The Voice in My Heart

“..Addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart..” -Ephesians 5:19

It was my very last semester of college when I realized I may have chosen the wrong major. A freshman girl in one of my public speaking classes was excitedly telling us about her passion for speech pathology, and how she couldn’t wait to help others speak one day. A spark ignited in me. How amazing! So many people from children to stroke patients need to learn or re-learn how to speak. I would have loved a career like that! It turns out that, regardless of my major, God inspired a different way for me to teach others how to express themselves…

Recently, I stumbled upon a social media post from an old high school friend about how her precious 6 year old daughter still has not found her voice. She wrote about the frustrations that come during times where her daughter wants to communicate, but struggles due to lack of physical speech. My first thought was… it must feel like a prison for this child at times, desperately wanting to let her words out with little success… but then my friend wrote this: “One night, I asked her to say, ‘I love you mama,’ and she leaned over and kissed me, and my heart skipped a beat.” Tears blurred my eyes, and all the feels rushed in, as I was reminded how most of my life I never “spoke up” even though I physically could. As an adult, for many years I struggled with speaking the voice in my heart, and it certainly felt like a prison of silence. This negatively impacted all of my relationships and destroyed my self-esteem. Around 27 years old, the word nailed to the back of my throat which could never be spoken finally came out of my mouth: bullied.

Throughout my life, everyone from teachers, coaches, bosses, friends, and romantic partners had a way of bullying me into a silence that eroded away my self-worth. Whatever the truth in my heart was began to get muddled and twisted up until my complete self-image was molded by others… and I believed it. God spent 3 years undoing the lies that girl believed, and showed me the truth of who He says we are: loved, redeemed, worthy, forgiven. Then, God made me into a writer and told me that the one thing which would destroy His plan for my life would be to stay silent. That my calling was to use my voice to deliver His words and inspire others:

“Command and teach these things.Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you.

Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save not only yourself, but all those who hear you.” —1 Timothy 4: 11-16

At times, I still find myself shying away from speaking up, but I try my best to push those intimidations away, so I can keep writing articles and making videos for social media. The enemy would love nothing more than to stop me from God’s work, but I refuse to let him or anyone else bully me. One day, I’d like to speak to roomfuls of people about God, and slowly conquer the fear of silence completely!

The beautiful thing is that we all express ourselves differently, and that’s okay! While there are many ways to communicate, not speaking the truth in our hearts is detrimental to our lives, well-being, and for God’s plan to unfold properly. When my friend’s daughter kissed her, she was saying, “I love you” in her own way. We can learn from this story that, even with set-backs and challenges, we can still find ways to communicate and fill the silence. The most important thing is that the voice in our hearts is always expressed in some form! God made us to be courageous and bold! Ephesians 5:19 is a lovely verse because it describes addressing one another in song. Forget talking, let’s sing! Or write, dance, paint, do acts of kindness, or show our feelings through a kiss or a hug. Doing this will also teach our children that their voices are important, and that it’s safe to express themselves any way they can!

Today, let’s explore ways to speak up, so we never feel trapped in silence. God has given us all a unique melody in our hearts that the world needs to hear. Sing your truth with words, hums, or kisses… just don’t stay quiet! Maybe you can start by speaking one word like I did. Dig deep into your heart, and listen for the voice that God put in there… what is it saying? Now share it with someone else today, and be heard!

Written by: Michelle TK