FATHER – 5 Truths About the Inner Child, Parental Wounding, and God Our Father

Our parents hurt us in some way. All of us. No exceptions. 

How do I know this? Because no human being is perfect, which means at some point in our lives we endured parental wounding. Every story is different, but the pain is the same.

The pain of…

Rejection. Abuse. Negligence. Anger. Fear. Abandonment. Sorrow. Manipulation… and more.

Practitioners of all kinds offer ideas on how to heal what is called “the inner child” because so many of us need to complete this reconciliation to move forward in life. What methods have you tried so far? Have any worked for you?

Regardless of our parents’ role in our lives as children and/or now, it’s our own responsibility to go on this healing journey… but self-discovery typically comes with conviction, accountability, correction, and radical acceptance, so let’s get into it…

In John 5, Jesus asked a man who was afflicted for 38 years, “Do you WANT to be made well,” because to be healed means to be changed. He was asking: Are you ready to be given a new life?

Some people aren’t ready or willing to change, but if you are, here are 5 sobering truths about the inner child, parental wounding, and God our Father that may help you on your journey:

There’s a difference between supporting ourselves and babying ourselves. Support is gentle, understanding, and compassionate. Babying is affirming, validating, and licking wounds that should be fading scars by now. The world we viewed as children shouldn’t look the same as we age/mature. 

Children see through a lens of under-developed emotions and irrational logic, but adults (should) have focused reasoning and emotional stability. Our childhood memories are not the memories of an experienced, intelligent adult, so we need to treat them as such. We must counsel the adult version of ourselves so we can heal the children we once were…

“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”— 1 Corinthians 13:11-13 NKJV 

If our healing success, self-development, and/or any needed closure is dependent upon someone else, we’ll never get there. It doesn’t matter if the other person refuses to speak, can’t or won’t heal themselves, can’t or won’t make amends with us, or has passed over, we alone are responsible for our own growth and recovery. End of story. We cannot wait for an answer, an explanation, or an apology to move forward. Our personal transformation progress should never depend on anyone else. 

There’s no easy way to say this, but I promise it will help… Release whoever this is. Release them now. Stop holding on to them and accept what was and what is. This is your story and your life. The power is in your hands, no one else’s. 

“This is what the Lord says: ‘Cursed are those who put their trust in mere humans, who rely on human strength and turn their hearts away from the Lord. They are like stunted shrubs in the desert, with no hope for the future. They will live in the barren wilderness, in an uninhabited salty land. But blessed are those who trust in the Lord and have made the Lord their hope and confidence.’”— Jeremiah 17:5-7 NLT

(Disclaimer— I’m not worried about offending anyone with this point. Our culture is saturated with adults projecting their unhealed behavior onto children worse than I’ve ever witnessed and God can see it all.) 

The Bible instructs adults (parents/guardians) not to keep children from knowing Jesus. If you’re a parent and you at least allow(ed) your child the freedom and space to meet Jesus, you’ve acted in accordance with Scripture. Our kids are little adults who should be allowed to explore their origins. If your beliefs (or lack thereof) negatively impact your child’s spiritual journey by deterring them from God, just be aware of what you’re taking from them.

If your parents kept you from knowing Jesus or misrepresented Jesus to you in some way, it’s your responsibility to move on from that and build your own relationship with God, unincumbered by the past. If we allow the actions of our parents (or anyone else) to determine the course of our lives, we may never get on the right path. I pray that you can overcome negative spiritual influences from your youth and meet with Jesus under better circumstances.

“Then little children were brought to Him that He might put His hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, ‘Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.’  And He laid His hands on them and departed from there.”— Matthew 19:13-15 NKJV

It’s not our parent’s job to meet the desperate need inside all of us to be loved, accepted, and comforted because the longing we feel is supernatural, not of this world. All of us are children yearning for the safety and warmth of a parent, including our own parents, and our permanent home is in Heaven with God our Father, not on this earth. 

Hell is a separation from our Father. No one has the power to open the front door of our home for us to be with our Father except for Jesus. Never put a human where God should be and you will begin to see that all people are working their way back home. One day, we could all be there together as one family with our Father, finally having the need to be loved overwhelmingly satisfied!

“My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”— John 14:2-3 NIV

Continual self-reflection is a recipe for staying stuck. But, right now, it’s spiritually trendy to immerse ourselves in constant reflection, psychological self-analysis, and meditational deep dives to explore every little corner of our emotions. Stop it. Healing requires acceptance and closure. Transformation. Living life as a brand-new creation. We can’t have one foot in our childhood sandbox and the other foot grounded in adulthood. If we truly want to heal, we have to stop resurrecting our inner child to re-hash the past. Give them a hug, tuck them in, say goodnight, and let them rest.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”— 2 Corinthians 5:17 NKJV

Today is the day we forgive our parents, forgive our past, forgive everyone who has hurt us, and release the weight of affliction. Today is the day we answer Jesus when He asks us if we want to be made well.

Let us pray:

Dear Heavenly Father,

We come before you as hurting children, desiring the warm, safe embrace of a parent.

We need your gentle, unconditional love to transform these old wounds into fading memories.

We are ready to say goodbye to the past and step into our new selves; whole, healed, and restored.

We ask this in Jesus’ name, Amen.

With Love, Michelle