Why You’re Not Afraid of Failure, But of Results (A War in the Mind)

Most of us have heard the phrase, “You’re not afraid of failure, you’re afraid of success,” but there’s something that can happen to us at the midpoint that we don’t talk about often. One would conclude that if results are happening, success is inevitably right around the bend; however, “if this, then that” thinking can be misleading at times. Using envisioning techniques to foresee our futures can be helpful, but we can’t really know what we are going to BE like once we reach our goals; it’s still just an assumption. We have to be careful not to romanticize how a future success is going to fulfill us… but more importantly, we must examine what can happen to us at the lesser discussed midpoint between taking the first step and success— the point where results happen. What could be bad about results? That depends on your reaction to them…  

Imagine for a moment that you want to lose 50 pounds. At the start of your journey, you buy a magic body mirror that, when you step in front of it, shows your reflection at your goal weight. In the beginning, you’re so excited to dive into a healthier routine and change your life. Every time you look into this mirror, your eyes light up with happiness because you are seeing yourself as you have always wanted to look; it fills you with joy and motivation. After 4 months of working hard to reach your goal, you have lost 25 pounds. Results! Then something happens… not in reality, but in your mind… You ask yourself, “Is this really me? How long can I keep up with this routine.. this NEW ME?” In your self-doubt, you start to crave junk food again.. then you start to skip work outs.. and suddenly, you begin to avoid walking past the mirror because instead of seeing your goal in there, you only see a person who you don’t believe will ever be real. The mirror now becomes your enemy; it’s a reminder of your failures. Instead of motivating you to keep going, it’s showing you a future that you don’t believe is achievable. 

In this example, the magic mirror is just a representation of how we envision ourselves at a future point where we have reached our goal. When we start to achieve results, we’re in a delicate position to either backslide OR to move forward toward success. We will either reject our results and go all the way back to the start before we even took the first step, OR we can choose to believe we are on the way to becoming a new person. It’s in this phase of “becoming new” that our minds begin to create a war. In psychology, it’s called cognitive dissonance: the discomfort we feel when we’re presented with information or proof that disagrees with our current belief system. Of course this happens in many instances of life such as in conversations about societal norms, politics, disagreements on current events, and in our personal relationships. But why is it that we feel discomfort or even denial when we see proof or results? Shouldn’t we be excited that positive things are happening for us?! Shouldn’t we embrace this new wisdom and use it as motivation to deepen our understanding of ourselves and our goals?

The reason it’s so hard is because in order to believe we are becoming new, we must effectively reject our old belief system to a degree.

In the weight loss scenario, this person must turn away from their old views of themselves in order to embrace their results and keep moving forward. When we make the choice to start a journey toward shedding our old selves and creating a new person, WE are challenging our own belief system; this is much different than someone else challenging our opinions in a mere conversation. YOU are the person who is challenging many years, possibly decades, of your own constructed reality. The “war” in your mind is your own, yes, but it’s also a great weak spot for the enemy to exploit, and trust that he will. In the example above, the magic mirror was once a beautiful vision for the future, but then became the enemy.. why? Well, because the enemy is a liar… 

Don’t think that one little lie could destroy everything you want and are working toward?

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” – Genesis 3:1

We’re living in the downfall of mankind until the rapture because the enemy called out God on a simple technicality, and tricked Eve into eating the apple, which she then brought to Adam and convinced him to eat too. Yep, that’s one little lie, and look how far back it took us! So what is your objective? What do you see when you look in your own magic mirror? Who is the person you are creating right now? Maybe for you it’s not a healthier lifestyle, but someone who is a successful owner of a start-up company, or a “soon-to-be-famous” artist… or maybe it’s believing in your success at being a parent, or someone who can have a successful relationship or marriage one day. When you start to see results, welcome the discomfort of breaking down your old beliefs. Sometimes it helps to combat this emotional, mental war with logic. Logically, you’re achieving results and being presented with proof, so try to believe it! You’re doing the things and it’s working! Keep going! Rejecting proof is a sure step backwards and could break all of your progress. When, in your mind, the old you and the new you begin to “face-off,” let them fight— the very fact that a battle is raging proves even further that you’re on the right path. Maybe it feels uncomfortable, but the alternative that we don’t want to hear is that NOT taking the first step toward something we want is accepting defeat from the start. 

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. – 2 Corinthians 5:17

Written by: Michelle TK