Breaking the Stereotype of the “Submissive Wife” and Understanding Sacred Contracts

Let me tell you something about Adam and Eve that you may have never considered… God made Adam first and then chose him to be the recipient of His wisdom. Then God said, “It’s not good for the man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper—a companion.” Eve was then crafted and given to Adam to “help him all the days of his life.” If this is true, then we must reconfigure the way we interpret the attributes each of these humans were made to have. I’ll sum it up:

The man was designed to literally and Spiritually go into the “man cave” and meet with God in order to receive wisdom, guidance, and instructions so he can be a leader. During these meetings, who do you think was guarding the entrance to the cave, fighting off demons and distractions? Eve. The real warrior in the relationship who commands power and respect while being feared by demonic forces is the woman. This beautiful clarity opens our eyes to realizing that God designed Eve to be Adam’s greatest asset and weapon against darkness. She is his confidant, protector, and life partner. Tell me how this same woman could ever be viewed as meek, weak, or submissive? Not a chance.

So, allow me to introduce you to Eve: The Christian woman who loves fiercely, fights for truth relentlessly, and will only obey God. So many people have asked me if I can “only be in a relationship” with a Christian man and the answer is yes. Here is why…

If a woman is following a man who is not following God, then she is not following God. She is not serving her true master, but an idol. Christian submission translates to refusing to yield to a human man who is not led by the Spirit of God. Only a Christian man has the authority to take a woman’s hand and lead her because God is leading him.

If a man is pursuing a woman without God instructing him, he is being guided purely by his ego, self-interest, and desires of the flesh—lust; even if it’s not sexual. This man is falling in love with her based on his own worldly definition of love and not Spiritual love. Worldly love can fade but God’s love never does. That is why so many people find themselves “in love” and then just… not… and also why divorce rates are so high. We aren’t marrying the right person from the jump. Without God, a man is just choosing someone he wants who fits his “dream girl” list. Only a Christian man will be told by God who his wife is, and the Holy Spirit will ignite his passion to pursue her for marriage.

What can a man offer a Christian woman that she can’t ask God for herself? All Christians should put God first in their relationship, but non-Christian relationships look to the other person to provide or meet their needs. The truth about a Christian woman is this: She already has a provider, and she already belongs to a man. She already has a master that she serves, and He comes first. She already has someone who inspires her mind, protects her heart, gives her gifts, supports her ambitions, picks her up when she’s down, listens to her fears, complaints, and ideas, heals her when she’s sick, gives her advice when she needs clarity, is her light in the darkness and her shelter in the storm, is her peace in the chaos and her strength when she’s weak, and is her eternal home of unconditional love and belonging—Jesus.

Only a Christian man will also put Jesus first, which means that both people will never see their partner as their “savior,” or lose their identity in the relationship. Both people will pursue their own independent path with God, while being fully committed to the union.

Marriage is a Biblical ceremony where God unites two with His Spirit, making it a sacred contract of three. The triple braided cord describes the bond between man, woman, and God. “A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” –Ecclesiastes 4:12

Without God, people still choose to get married, and I honestly don’t know why. What is the motivating factor to be with one person forever? Where does the belief in monogamy come from?  Why do we stand in churches and make a commitment to a human in front of God, instead of making a commitment to God in front of a human? The sanctity and ritual of marriage in our culture has been lost. Marriage should consist of two people that God chose to bring into a sacred covenant—a powerful bond that can never be broken—where they promise God to love and cherish the partner He provided.

And who came up with, “until death do us part?” We don’t die; we are immortal. The only real “parting” that will take place is when the unsaved souls are rejected from entering Heaven to spend eternity with God. (I’m not here to condemn or give my opinion; I’m just clarifying scripture.)

A non-Christian man will never impress a Christian woman no matter how perfect and amazing he is. I’m sorry if this sounds offensive, but the truth is that Christian women will never be impressed by worldly gifts or adoration. We are attracted to God within a man. While the gifts and attention are certainly appreciated, if we don’t see God in you, these gestures feel empty to us.

Instead of telling us we’re beautiful, we want to hear how beautiful your relationship with Jesus is. Instead of telling us how our love “saved” you, we want to hear your testimony of how God saved you. Instead of buying us nice things, we want to see your charitable acts toward others, or see how you value Spiritual treasures over material possessions.

A human man can appear to be the man of our “dreams,” but we can only be with the man of our prayers—the one whom God chose for us. A man with God in him is a different breed and we will know him by his Spirit. If she doesn’t feel your heart on a Spiritual level, she will never truly bond with you, and she will never be yours. (Forewarning: this authentic recognition of the Holy Spirit within other Christians cannot be forged, so don’t think it can be faked to win her over.)

Christian women are some of the most powerful, independent, strong-willed people you will ever meet! We believe that God provides everything we need—including a true spouse. We will never submit our hearts to a human, and we will never settle for anything less than a God-led man to lead us. We will never kneel to a mortal man, and we will only follow a man who follows God. We will never bow to the authority of a false master, and we will never allow an idol to be our guide. Women of God only obey and serve God. Period.

If you’re a man who is falling in love with a Christian woman… well, you have been blessed with a rare and beautiful opportunity! Just remember: the last thing she’ll ever be is mailable, easy, or what this world sees as submissive. No, babe… she will be the most bold, mysterious, loving, strong, and passionately wild creature you will ever meet!

If you feel called to pursue her, I suggest that you first go into the man cave to talk to Jesus. You will need clarity and wisdom because this woman will only give you her heart if you give yours to God first. Leave her alone unless God tells you she is yours, otherwise, you might be pursuing another man’s future wife. God will only unite a man and woman in His perfect timing when they are equally yoked and ready. May God bless your journey!

With Love, Michelle